Well, the secret was. As in, it no longer is. Those of us who knew/know are a strange mixture of heartbroken and angry, but the people it most directly impacts seem to be coping well. With the way things have fallen out, I think that’s all I’m going to say. Sorry.

I’m not sure that I really need to keep it a secret here, except for two things. One, I said I would keep it a secret at the time, and now the conditions aren’t something that I would want bandied about if they were about me. And two, I wasn’t sure how much of a secret it would be here. Yes, I realize posting things on the internet isn’t really good at “secret keeping”, but I wasn’t sure who, if anyone, that I knew in person would be reading this.

After all, when I posted about my mom’s surgery, I hadn’t told many people and intended to keep it that way. Cara and James F. knew, as they were there on Friday when I found out that the surgery was moved. Sydney knew, and was very helpful, both as a friend and medically. She even didn’t describe anesthesia to me as “dangling someone on the brink of death” until after the surgeries were over! And finally, Nate and Shelly knew, as I had dinner with them that Wednesday night and was finally ready to talk about it, having heard that my mom was out of surgery and doing okay.

But I told no one else, save you guys, mostly because I didn’t want people asking me about it when I had no answers, especially during the 12 hours of waiting. And frankly, it was rather personal, both for my mom and for me, and I didn’t feel like sharing it with anyone more than my close friends and you guys, who have been great for moral support. And I wrote about it here because I needed to write about it.

So I was a bit taken back to have a classmate ask about it awhile later. Not upset, but surprised. I mean, I’m sure my lab mates figure out something was up when I jumped every time my phone rang, or when I was Skyping with my mom and she was clearly in a hospital gown in a hospital bed, and we were talking about all sorts of hospital-related things. Nonetheless, it was a bit startling to have someone else bring it up in conversation first. Not something I really expected, to be sure, when I was just trying to grab a beer and make my way over to my friends at happy hour. The sentiment was appreciated, and it was long enough over that I was willing to talk about it, but still.

So I think I’m just going to respect the privacy of my friends. I’m sorry to lead you all on. Any spare thoughts for comfort, health and happiness you could send out would be appreciated, though.

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